“I wish I hadn’t waited until I was 50”
I'm going to level with you. For a long time, I was a bit of an accidental asshole. Yes, you heard that right. The leadership expert, the one who's supposed to have it all figured out. Well, back then, I didn't. And I wish I hadn't waited until I was 50 to sort my sh1t out.
Let me take you back a bit. I am in my 40s, working at PA Consulting. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? But I was burning out faster than a cheap candle. Long hours, endless commutes - but that wasn't the real problem. The biggest issue was that I couldn't say no. I was a yes-woman, running on everyone else's agenda but my own.
Deep down, I didn't think I had a choice. I was stuck in this loop of "I can't let people down" and "I have to do it all". That's a one-way ticket to burnout and I was heading there fast.
All that stress, all that overwhelm—it wasn't really about the workload. It was about me—my confidence, my self-worth, my inability to set boundaries. I was like a puppet dancing to everyone else's tune. It wasn't a pretty dance.
I’ll be really honest with you, there are a couple of occasions that still make me absolutely cringe when I think about them. I didn’t always treat team members or line reports well. We all have chapters of our lives we'd prefer to remain unpublished, don’t we?
So, what changed?
Well, I hit 50 and thought, "Screw this". I started investing in personal development. Not some woo-woo "manifest your best life" bobbins. I mean real, nitty-gritty work on understanding why my brain works the way it does, why I respond to things the way I do and what I can do about it.
I had to dig deep, really deep at times. I'm talking about therapy, leadership programs, personal development products, the whole shebang. Some of it I did on my own time and some with professionals. Sometimes, you can’t get to those really deep knots in your muscles without someone else’s help.
I discovered something amazing - that leader I always wanted to be was there all along, just buried under a “swirling mass of insecurities” and people-pleasing bull.
I'm not saying any of this to boast. I'm saying this because if you're reading this and thinking, "Sh1t, that sounds like me", I want to tell you something - You don't have to wait until you're 50. You don't have to wait for burnout to come knocking at your door with a sledgehammer.
Start now.
Take a look at yourself. Are you showing up as the leader you want to be? Or are you, like I was, an accidental asshole running on everyone else's fumes?
If any of this resonates, here's what I want you to do:
Take a step back and really look at how you're operating. Are you saying yes when you want to say no?
Invest in yourself. Whether that's coaching, programmes, or just some good old-fashioned self-reflection. Do something.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. I know it's hard. But it's a hell of a lot harder to keep going the way you are.
Remember, the only thing that gets better left alone and with age is wine. Don't let your issues fester.
Consider trying out some personal development products. They might open your mind to what's really going on and help you figure out if you need more support.
I can't turn back time. I can't go back and shake some sense into my younger self. But you? You've got time. Don't wait until you're 50 to become the leader you're meant to be.
To all of you out there who've been on the receiving end of me when I wasn't at my best - yeah, that sucks. I get it now. But that's why I do what I do. Our best work often comes from our own experiences, and believe me, I've got plenty to draw from.
Do you feel like you need a hand figuring out where to start? That's what I'm here for. Book a chat with me. Let's talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how we can get you there. Whether you want to work with me directly or try out some self-paced programs, I've got options. Trust me when I say that the view from the other side is pretty damn good.
