Overcoming your leadership shadow
Every leader has a leadership shadow. These are behaviours or tendencies we are unaware of that, if left alone, can cast a dark cloud over our ability to positively influence our team. If we fail to address these shadows, they restrict our leadership potential and impact the people we lead.
Recent neuroscience research from prominent institutions like Harvard and Stanford reveals that our leadership shadows often originate from an automatic physiological threat response. When faced with change, pressure, criticism or even curiosity, our brains can perceive it as a life-threatening danger, whether that is real or imagined.
In the blink of an eye, the amygdala region hijacks rational thought processing in our prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive centre. This activates our sympathetic nervous system and triggers our infamous fight-or-flight (or freeze, flock, friend!) responses. Heart rates race. Muscles tense. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood our bodies.
When we operate from this reactive state, it's understandable how leaders can sometimes fall into counterproductive patterns of thinking and action. These behaviours, though not intended harmfully, can undermine morale and trust. Even well-meaning leaders may micromanage, communicate less openly, or criticise in ways that demotivate. By becoming more self-aware, leaders can improve how they manage their own stress responses and create a more supportive environment where everyone feels valued and heard. This reduces the risk of developing dysfunctional dynamics taking root in teams.
Why Do Leadership Shadows Matter?
If reactive behaviours are left unchecked for a long time, they can have devastating consequences. Research by psychologist and author Daniel Goleman shared in his book “Primal Leadership” that resonance and dissonance in leadership have ripple effects throughout entire organisations, impacting morale, turnover, innovation, revenue and customer satisfaction.
Goleman explains that a resonant leader is in tune with their emotions and reads the emotions of those around them. They spread positive energy, empathy and self-confidence to inspire people. Conversely, a dissonant leader often lacks self-awareness about their emotional reactions. They spread negativity which blocks information flow and harms morale. Over time, their reactive behaviours damage the organisational climate if left unchecked. Have you ever asked yourself, am I a dissonant or resonant leader? Even better, have you ever asked someone else?? [wink emoji]
At an individual level, leadership shadows can also undermine a leader’s self-confidence, cloud their vision, strain their personal relationships and in extreme cases lead to career derailment. The key is bringing these unconscious patterns to light so they can be effectively addressed through conscious modification.
Four Steps to Overcome Leadership Shadows
Simply trying harder is not the answer. Subconscious patterns don’t change through force of will. We need tools supported by behavioural science and neural biology. Knowledge of our brain’s hardwiring helps leaders to consciously reshape their leadership. Here are four steps for overcoming our shadow:
1. Seek Out Feedback
We usually cannot see our own leadership shadow. This can also be explained through the concept of "unknown knowns" in the Johari Window model of self-awareness. The Johari window is a simple matrix used to explain our understanding of the self. One quadrant represents things we know about ourselves that others also know (open area). The opposite quadrant contains things others know about us that we are unaware of (blind area or unknown knowns).
It's like our eyes can’t see their own blind spots, and the visual cortex automatically fills in information without telling us it is missing. We have information, behaviours or tendencies obscured from our own view, but others can plainly observe them. These unknown knowns make up our leadership shadow. Without external feedback, we fail to see key areas that need improvement. That’s why we need candid external mirrors to reflect back our shadow side and reveal previously invisible information.
Actively seek out input from varied sources - colleagues, employees, mentors, friends and even family. Maybe even the colleague you have an ‘icky’ relationship with? Go on, I dare you! Ask for real examples of behaviours or situations of concern so you have tangible case studies to evaluate. You may experience some initial discomfort upon hearing this feedback. That is both normal and necessary to push past the brain’s defence mechanisms. Rather than approaching it as criticism, consider it as helpful intelligence to increase your self-awareness. Resist rationalising. Simply listen, document and reflect on other people’s experiences.
2. Reflect on Your Triggers
Next, analyse what situations tend to spark unhelpful reactions or choices. These are known as “emotional triggers.” Common leadership study triggers include rapid changes, last-minute deadlines, unreasonable demands, public criticism, scrutiny of decisions or direct challenges to authority. But triggers manifest uniquely for each person based on personality and past experiences that are wired into our neural networks.
Reflect on your experiences immediately after emotionally charged incidents, not just at review time or year-end. Document details on what exactly someone said or did right before you reacted. Therapeutic writing can help here. Track physical responses that were also associated like tightened in your chest or neck, nausea, insomnia or headaches. These are all symptoms that may accompany fight-or-flight. Look for patterns over time to pinpoint your specific triggers. Establishing your triggers allows you to anticipate and consciously mitigate them.
3. Retrain Your Thoughts
Now that you know your triggers, consciously reframe your next thought when these high-stress situations arise. Our leadership shadow often first appears as inner dialogue - that whispering voice interpreting events. Neuroscience confirms we can rewire pathways and influence leadership behaviour by pausing and then editing our self-talk. Research on brain plasticity and neurogenesis shows conscious focus literally changes neural structure.
Ask yourself empowering questions like “What story am I telling myself here? Is my interpretation accurate or skewed by emotion?” Consider more positive perspectives. What advice would you give a colleague in this scenario? A great question I heard a mentee ask themselves at moments like these was, “So what can I do/say/think now to turn this around?”
Framing situations more constructively leads to drastically different leadership choices that are aligned with values rather than being reactive. This mental muscle takes work and needs constant training, but it does get stronger over time.
4. Commit to Change
Lasting change requires actual change. As leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith explains, “What got you here won't get you there.” Old habits that are ingrained in our basal ganglia - the part of the brain responsible for unconscious behaviours and routine activities - serve their purpose...until they don’t.
However, neuroscientists confirm that we can build new habits through conscious practice. Purposefully demonstrating more emotionally intelligent behaviours becomes more natural. It may feel awkward initially, but brain scans show altered activity patterns can happen in as little as eight weeks when daily time is focused on recognisable milestones.
Leadership growth is not one-and-done. Retain humility, recognising that shadows and blind spots may surface continually. Our leadership shadow is complex. Commit to the lifelong process of expanding your self-awareness. You owe this growth to yourself, the teams who count on you and the organisations that invest in your development.
By understanding the science behind our shadows, leaders can consciously reshape their leadership to be more empowering versus restricting. Shining light on our blind spots is challenging yet incredibly rewarding work. Dispelling these shadows frees us to reach our highest leadership potential so we can unlock the potential in others.
If you see shadows cast across your own leadership or team dynamics and want help illuminating the pathways forward, reach out. Let’s talk about how we can shine a light on blind spots and triggers to consciously reshape your leadership approach.
